We are not the same

We are not the same. Yes, we’re all people with a lot of shared feelings and ideas, but my experience of the world is deeply different from a black person’s because of the way they might be treated at any moment because of what they look like. I can go months without ever worrying about that. So long as we are shaped by how other people treat us—or might treat us—we can’t separate race from identity. —A.J.

Getting there takes time

All dealings between white people and black people take place in the shadow of the past. You can’t just pretend history doesn’t exist or wish it away because it’s what made the present. The playing field isn’t level and I have to be able to see that terms like “white privilege” which make me defensive are statements of historically constructed fact, not moral accusations directed at me as an individual. —A.J.

All dealings between white people & black people take place in the shadow of the past

You can share similar political views and still not understand where someone comes from. Getting there takes time, and it takes listening and responding with respect, with honesty and with kindness. —A.J.

Racism is a moving target

It evolves with culture. What used to be acceptable ceases to be so, and the only way to deal with that is to accept it and move on. —A.J.

In discussing race, the process is the product and vice versa

There were times when I found myself asking, like a kid on a road trip, Are We There Yet? But the answer is always no, and I came to realize that the journey really is the point of the trip. It’s not about a destination or about reaching Nirvana and sure as hell not about “winning.” It’s about the willingness to keep talking because keeping those lines of communication open which makes the thing worth doing. —A.J.

Friendship comes first, last & always

We put our friendship at the center of this project from the beginning. I remember that when tempted to say something disagreeable or when I am hurt or angry. Separate the “one” from the “many.” African Americans are judged by mainstream society as a collective. We are not allowed to have individual identities unless we are celebrities known by our first name. Whites are afforded the luxury of individualism. This is why we tend to talk about “white people” and whites are quick to say “not all white people.” —Kerra

Evaluate on actions

Through these conversations, I evaluate Andrew by his individual actions. His willingness to keep trying, even when it gets hard, has helped me to redirect my anger from “white people” to institutionalized racism. —Kerra

Pause before I speak

I had no filter at the beginning of these conversations, especially in the aftermath of the 2016 presidential elections. I made accusations – some of by which I still stand. Now, I pause and ask the three questions: “is it true, is it necessary and is it kind?” I’m willing to give way on the kindness part because some truths are harsh. Now, I will try to deliver a hard truth with compassion. We enter these conversations at different points. I entered these conversations from a very visceral place. I want police to stop killing black people. Andrew, as a scholar and a writer, seeks, through these conversations, to understand an experience that is not his own and wants to become a better citizen, novelist, husband and father because of them. —Kerra

Where are we coming from?

I wanted Andrew to come at the conversations at the same place and with the same sense of urgency as I. He comes in where he does, bringing the full force of his intelligence and compassion. I have learned to trust that even though we come at these conversations from different points, eventually we will meet at a place that looks and feels like common ground. —Kerra

“Work” isn’t the only four-letter we use during these conversations

These conversations are difficult and challenging. Just when we think we’ve resolved an issue, it reappears in another form or several months later. I wish I could say we were “done” after this one set of race conversations. But the work is continuous. We are constantly talking and learning and growing. And that brings up another four-letter word that has become essential in these race conversations – love. Without love for all people, despite our differences, we don’t evolve as a species. Our hearts were meant to evolve and expand. Mine has because of these conversations and our friendship. —Kerra

What happens when you talk honestly about race?

“In Good Faith: Messy Conversations About Race in Black and White” is a non-profit dialogue between a white man and a black woman from different backgrounds who share a common goal of building and promoting racial understanding.”

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Conversations About Race You don't need to be experts to talk about racism

Talking about race in the United States is difficult and exhausting. White people feel attacked as they confront privilege, guilt and anger. Black people are tired of explaining why their lives matter. The result feels like a mine field, so that even would-be allies withdraw into the safety of their own racial group.

Messy Conversations in Good Faith is an ongoing dialogue between two people: A.J., a white man, and Kerra, a black woman. They discuss race in real time as the United States convulses through the murders of unarmed black men at the hands of police, the election of Donald Trump and its aftermath.

The conversations are raw, real and, at times, funny. But they also show how people can evolve in their understanding of themselves and each other when they remain committed to their hopes more than their fears.

street art on a buidling that says "Stay Human"

A black person holds a sign that says "We are TIRED!"

Resources for Black People

Resources

Resources for White People

Resources

How to talk about race AND REMAIN FRIENDS

Five Rules for Talking About Race

Like the project itself, A.J. and Kerra did not have rules planned in advance, but they evolved out of the aftermath of their first argument. They proved effective then and in subsequent debates, especially when things got heated.

The framework includes the following “rules” or guidelines:

We are friends.
We talk candidly about race with a view to understanding each other's position better and furthering better dialogue on the issues between people.
We both speak and listen.
We don't get to hurt each other.
We remain friends.